Why I love/hate France
Wednesday, 26 July 2006
I've been in France for 2 weeks and am in London en route to Denmark later today. Yep, I know, sorry about the lack of postings from France as well as the promised photos from Finland etc. Maybe tomorrow.
This is why I like France:
- free bread with every meal
- the Alps
- the Tour de France
- Paris
- cyclists get respect on the roads
Spent a very nice afternoon yesterday wandering up the Seine from Notre Dame to the Eiffel tower and sunbaking under the Eiffel tower in the evening warmth. I still don't think I've had a day under 27 degrees this trip.
This is why I hate France:
- rude, arrogant, unhelpful staff at camping grounds, train stations and airports. "It is impossibeeel". Then again maybe people are rude because they think that because I speak English with a weird accent I am Amercian. (In this circumstance its OK to be rude)
- Standing in queues at train stations. Potential customers never want to simply buy tickets - they seem to feel it necessary to debate the entire ticketing system with the staff, resulting in excruciating delays for everyone else
- Nothing is in English. While other countries have signs in multiple languages, the French are too up-themselves to do this.
- Paris is full of American tourists (OK this isn't the fault of the French).
- Dogs
Headed off to the airport this morning and encountered all of the above problems, topped off nicely by about 5 million American attendees at a Jehovah's witness conference in the check-in queue ahead of me (motto: "Deliverance Is Near").
Am thinking about forming my own terrorist cell aimed specifically at stupid loud American tourists. When cell members identify a target they will run up to the tourist in question, yell very loudly "Shut the F*** up you ignorant git" and then spray their carefully laundered white pants with indelible purple ink. My aim is to rid Europe of this scourge in 12 months time.
|
Fin 5 Rest Day
Monday, 24 July 2006
Travelled out north of Joensuu [I think I got the correct spelling for once] to Koli which has a tallish hill with super views over lakes and islands and other things Finnish. It also had a nice thunderstorm waiting for us when we got to the top, forcing a movement into the cafe to eat blueberry pie until it abated.
There appear to be two types of Russians at this event. First, there are those who drive around in new Lexus 4wds. According to Henna these are evil Russians who are into organised crime. Then there are the dirt poor bus-tour Russians who drink and fight a lot. These are, according to Henna, also evil Russians.
|
Fin 5 Day 4
Monday, 24 July 2006
Didnt have a super run today but Blair had a shocker meaning I got the victory at last. 2 down out of 3 - only the bear to go. Still, theres an American ahead of me in the standings so I need a top run tomorrow to avoid being yanked.
|
Fin 5 Day 5
Monday, 24 July 2006
Apparently the evil Russians have been fighting at the event centre, burnt a hole in the floor by using their cooking equipment inside the school, and have smashed a large glass cabinet. They appear to be out of control. I just hope the Russians love their children too.
Henna has also accused them of running in the B classes in order to steal all the prizes from the more deserving Finns. Although why they would go to such lengths to secure the Austrian Sports yearbook or 10 litres of motor oil [another top orienteering prize] is beyond me.
Blair beat me again today, but I do have serious news on the bear front - see tomorrows posting.
The American bombed out today meaning I finished 10th overall and avoided the ignomy of defeat by one of Bush's men.
Forced Henna to drive us back to Helsinki despite her broken back.
|
Day 13 or so, Fin-5 Day 3
Tuesday, 11 July 2006
The walk to the start was 3.6km today which would ordinarily be a pain in the arse. But it was fantastic - through the pine and the birch forests, around lakes and across tiny little bridges, past perfectly manicured summer-houses, each with their own mini-jetty and sauna.
Course was long and pretty rough today. A bit Norwegian in fact. Didn't make any major stuff-ups which was pleasing but a couple of minor errors meant Blair beat me by 2 minutes. Still, I'm getting closer.
Came across a bloke who actually did have a tick today. Fortunately I was armed with my anti-tick weapon (specially designed tweezers) and was able to help him out.
Rest day tomorrow, which is well needed.
Been scouring the town for Tour de France coverage but all to no avail. Which is surprising because there is actually a Finnish rider this year.
|
Day 12 Fin-5 Day 2
Tuesday, 11 July 2006
I think I can just repeat yesterday's blog. Its super-hot, late starts, coupla mistakes in the forest, Blair beats me by 5 minutes. No bears.
Thinking of translating my tick sign into Russian as a last ditch effort.
After the event we visit Henna's friends Elina and Terhi at their lake-side getaway. (Everthing is lake-side in Eastern Finland). Went swimming in the lake, up into the sauna, back into the lake, up into the sauna etc. Postcard-perfect Finland with the sun low-ish in the sky at about 10pm and reflecting across the lake and through the trees. Its still 25 degrees close to midnight which is unheard of this far north.
Hope to put sauna photos up in a day or so following clearance from the Finnish censorship board.
|
Day 11, Fin-5 Day 1
Tuesday, 11 July 2006
Slept in. Starts aren't until late afternoon although its well over 30 degrees at 3pm when I get out into the forest. Area is interesting depression-terrain with lots of tracks. Had a pretty solid run but made 1 bad mistake and Blair beat me by 4 or 5 minutes. Darn. Still, there's a long way to go yet.
Retired for dinner with the mountain bike team. Waited 1.5 hours after the waitress forgot to give our order to the kitchen. Henna used her Finnish guile to sweet-talk her into giving us free ice-cream as a result. Of the men only Adrian and Alex qualified for the MTB long final, but both have pretty good chances. The tick checking business is not going well. I got my sign translated into Finnish - 'kaaviakllö avlanaiummanno ylluipstokalle vailloikkäöa öklläa.' But the sign is too big to fit in the car any more.
|
Day 10. Possibly Saturday. Vienna to Joennsu
Tuesday, 11 July 2006
The heatwave broke last night so we trudged to the station in the rain. Survived Vienna airport and went through passport control using Blair's passport after we accidentally picked up each other's from the airline counter. Not sure whether Blair or I should be more offended that the immigration authorities were unable to tell us apart. Arrived in Helsinki which is in the grips of, you guessed it, a heatwave. Its over 30 degrees almost all the way to the Arctic circle. Our chauffer Henna picked us up and we drove north past the obligatory lakes and forests stretching endlessly into the distance, the view broken only by the odd mobile phone tower. Its good to be back in Finland. The orienteering is an area much frequented by bears and one of my aims this week is to meet one (from a safe distance). The other objectives are (a) to beat Blair and (b) to spend quality time with Finnish babes in the sauna. There are ticks in the forest and I also intend to offer a free tick-checking service for the more attractive female orienteers. I've put together a big sign ('Show us your ticks') to attract business. Did I mention its bloody hot here ? Hopefully it will get cooler when the sun goes down. (That's a joke by the way. This time of year the sun never goes down.) Crappiest prize of the year - Eckmo received a copy of the 1998 Austrian sports annual for finishing second in a sprint race. Despite the fact that there are several good photos of Anna Kournikova, its a good reminder that you can't make a living from orienteering.
|
Day whatever, revenge of the tuna sandwich
Tuesday, 11 July 2006
Made sure I had a shave this morning. Didn't want to give the podium girls a scratch on the cheek when I collect the kisses that accompany my victory. Off to the final. We had late starts - just perfect for the heat. The area was really fun and technically difficult - first 13 controls were in super-detail. Got through them OK and was going OK until the tuna sandwich I had for lunch decided to make a comeback. Felt terrible for a few legs, eventually had a spew and felt better but it was all over by then. Ended up 29th which wasn't too bad I suppose, and a few places better than Italy 2 years ago. Still, would have liked a few places lower. Blair was 22nd, Eckmo 15th and Eddie (who claims to do no training) 5th. Nice work. I asked Blair what time the trains went to Vienna tomorrow. Off the top of his head he listed the first 5 passenger trains and their destination stations, the first goods train, the type of product it was carrying (tinned vegetables) and the name of the train driver's cat (Kurt). He's that good.
|
Day 8 - Vienna
Friday, 7 July 2006
Aaah Vienna (Ultravox, circa 1982)
Wandered around Vienna in the heat with Blair, Cath and Karen, cursing that I didn't have any sunglasses. Didn't drink enough water so now I've got a headache to match my sunburn. Off to a pub shortly to resolve the situation.
Vienna is a pretty cool town, on a level with Paris, but things are on a relatively smaller scale.
Had a hot chocolate from a cafe which I give four stars to. They're serious about their hot chocolates here - no frothy milky stuff, just proper chocolate taste.
Visited the usual palaces and wandered through the streets in the Inner Strasse. Lunch down by the Danube.
Blair is an excellent travelling companion, partly because he has the entire Thomas Cook European train schedule memorised to the minute. Haven't stuffed up a train connection while I've been in his presence, which is a nice change from the debacles that occur when I'm left to my own devices.
I don't start until 1.18pm in the A Final tomorrow. Given that its going to be hot, it will be impossible to resist a few cold beers or more before I start. Should relax me enough to take some aggressive route choices. Although the way my legs are feeling, I might be better off not starting and staying in the beer tent.
Allez les bleus.
|
Day 7 - World masters day 2
Wednesday, 5 July 2006
Just a quick note, mainly because I've typed 2 pages and accidentally hit the friggin' delete button and lost the lot. Can't be stuffed typing it all in again.
Anyway, ended up 19th yesterday and trundled around in 9th today so qualified in 13th spot overall. No big stuff ups today, just a bit of stuffing around in the middle stages.
The other Australians did well - Eddie about 6th, Eckmo 3rd, Blair 9th or so in their respoective heats. We intend to take the final by storm.
Highlight of the day was the middle aged Austrian country and music band singing songs about Tennessee and 'gettin down to Memphis'. However, this was counterbalanced by the free chocolate milk for all finishers.
|
Day 7 World Masters qualification day 1
Tuesday, 4 July 2006
Woke up and not having any proper food was forced to eat a Powér Bar and gel for breakfast.
Our accommodation is very nice but out in an industrial estate. Not so much as the middle of nowhere, more like on the far edge of nowhere.
WN is supposed to be an industrial town but its absolutely spotlessly clean, with nice gardens and parks. Puts London to shame
Orienteering was fun. Tough area and I just jogged around pretty slowly, confident I could qualify for the final without having to exert too much effort. Top 27 out of 58 in our heat make the final. Maybe I underestimated the strength of the field and I'm a bit closer to the edge than I should be. Not all the times were up when I left but looks like I'll end up 25th or so. Better pull the finger out in the second qualification race tomorrow just to be sure.
Had a power bar for lunch, plus beer which they have on tap at the event. Top stuff. Its 28 today and a bit hot for running.
Need to eat some proper food. Bananas are only 2.00 per kg. Austria does a good job on cheap chocolate milk too.
|
Day 6 Lost in Transit
Tuesday, 4 July 2006
OK, this is the third time I've tried to write this posting. These weird Austrian mice have a button on the side that is easy to hit accidentally and erases all your word. Handy.
Left my 5 star hotel (thanks Kim and Chris) and off to Heathrow. Walked past the Angel, turned right at Pentonville Road and up to Kings Cross Station. Neat.
Heathrow was a shocker. Spent time in a million different queues, and of course I was the bunny they picked out to do the extra security checks on. Can't trust those Australians.
The purpose of some of the queues was purely to ensure people ended up in the next queue in an orderly fasion. Their football team may be crap, but if there was a World Championship in queuing the Poms would win hands down.
Eventually arrived in Wiener Neustadt (WN) after suffering a 90 minute plane delay, luggage that took 45 minutes to arrive, and getting the train to the right town but wrong station. Thanks to Blair for showing me to my acommodation where I passed out, tired and grumpy, after having a Power Bar for dinner.
|
Day 5 - even more London
Monday, 3 July 2006
Every second voice on the tube is non-English. The most noticeable, of course, are the Americans who say stupid things at double the decibels of anyone else. A bit of advice to Dwayne with the California Tech t-shirt - no, Paris is not in England.
Trotted off to Hampton Court Palace which was nice although the maze - billed as the best known in the whole world - was slightly disappointing and not as good as the one at Shoreham on the Mornington Peninsula.
It actually was a heatwave today. Got some real rays tromping around the gardens. Saw some serious lobsters on the train on the way home.
Did a few laps of the pool at the flash local gym before retiring to watch the tour on tele.
Hampton Court Maze in world record time
|
Day 4 - more London
Monday, 3 July 2006
Slept in until 4.30am and thought I might as well do something useful so started checking some train timetables and web sites. Was checking the trains from Vienna airport to Vienna tomorrow (ie 1st July). When I looked at the clock on the computer which told me that today was actually the 1st of July. Which means that my plane leaves in 40 minutes, and if I miss it then all my flights get cancelled (something to do with them being booked on frequent flier points). SHIT. Mass panic before I finally got through to Qantas and got moved to the next flight which was 2 days away. Which is cutting it a bit fine for the World Masters but better than nothing.
With disaster narrowly averted went out for a run on the tow path next to Regent's canal. Nice run in a seedy sort of way. Wouldn't like to be out here at night.
Took off to Chapham Common for frisbee playing, picknicking and ogling pretty girls in bikinis. I guess if the nearest beach is 100km away then the Common is the only place to get a tan.
Diverted to a pub to watch England v Portugal and got stung 20 pounds for a jug of Pimms. You coulda heard a pin drop when Portugal rammed home the winning penalty.
Its bloody hot here. Over 30 again today. Headlines in the paper today of HEATWAVE !!!
The west wing of my luxury Islington accommodation.
|